By Daisy Luther
A while back, I wrote an article called “30 Signs That You’re One of Those Crazy Preppers.” Lots of readers got into the spirit of things, since it was pretty darned relatable. We all know these are actually signs of sanity, but we’re used to being misunderstood by the unprepared and sometimes it’s fun to have a good laugh about their misconceptions of what we actually do.
Then Ebola happened, here on American soil, and a lot more people jumped on board the preparedness bandwagon. To welcome the newbies, here are 45 MORE signs that you might have crossed over to the “prepped side.” (Many of these came straight from the readers!)
Many of these will be things that non-preppers just can’t understand, but they’ll probably give you a warm glow. Feel the prepper solidarity!
- You spend your days off digging an underground bunker in your backyard.
- You have more than a thousand cheapo lighters that you purchased in bulk, stashed away in the back of your linen closet. Oh…and you don’t even smoke.
- You eat a lot of ‘survival food’ now, so there is no ‘system shock’ when you are forced to eat only the items you have stocked (or that you GROW – hint hint).
- You stock alcohol in mass quantities so you can stay drunk after the SHTF.
- You stock alcohol in mass quantities – and you don’t even drink. (Barter, baby!)
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- You know what? Forget stocking alcohol. You have your own still. You’ll make alcohol.
- You have enough salt to create another Dead Sea.
- You have a forest’s worth of firewood cut, stacked, and seasoned.
- You purchased 50 of these already for stocking stuffers for your friends/family/workmates/neighbor/random stranger.
- Speaking of Christmas, you gave Conflicted to everyone last year.
- When your friends ask about your favorite authors, instead of Hemmingway, Tolkien, or Kerouac, you get a blank stare when you tell them it’s John ‘Lofty’ Wiseman.
- You know exactly how many Mountain House buckets it takes to make a base for a single bed.
- You don’t stock up on milk. You get an actual cow.
- Your family doesn’t dare take something from the food stockpile without marking it off the list.
- Your kids know how to don a gas mask in 30 seconds.
- It’s not laser tag or paintball…it’s tactical training.
- Everyone in your survival group carries the same firearm so that ammo is standardized.
- You have non-electric versions of appliances like wheat grinders, washing machines, and coffee makers.
- You yell at the TV every time a commercial for Doomsday Preppers comes on. Oh. Wait. You don’t have a TV. But if you did, you’d yell, because you know how positively ridiculous and unrealistic that show is.
- Your family is no longer surprised when you announce, “Hey, we’re going to learn how to make (insert anything here)!”
- You have more how-to books stored on hard-drives than most public libraries have on the bookshelves.
- Your children have a plan to bug out from school.
- Alternatively, you homeschool and bugging out is part of the curriculum.
- You have more than three ways to cook dinner if the power goes out: a woodstove, a barbecue, a sun oven, a fire-pit, and/or a volcano stove.
- First Blood and Red Dawn are basic training films for your family.
- You have long since accepted the idea that if you’re not on someone’s list, you’re probably not doing it right.
- Your 7 year old knows Morse Code.
- You’re secretly disappointed when the electricity comes back on after only a few minutes.
- You know more ways to make a homemade knife than the entire population of your local prison combined.
- You don’t just rotate food, you rotate ammo.
- You know the distance from your door to your front gate is precisely 207 yards.
- Moving to a new house is no longer “moving”, but “strategic relocation“.
- You have mapped out at least 3 different routes by car and 2 different routes on foot to get to your bug-out location.
- You know the difference between “Tyvek” and “Tychem” suits, and in which instance they should be used.
- Ditto the finer points of N-95 vs. N-100 masks.
- You watch The Walking Dead in order to critique their survival tactics. (And you were secretly delighted to see Beth building a fire in a Dakota pit.)
- Speaking of fire, you can start one in at least 3 different ways, and you always carry a lighter, a fresnel lens, and a magnesium firestarter.
- You have two (or more) of everything important, well, because “one is none.”
- You have a decoy food supply.
- Your kids think it’s a fun game to see who can find the most potential weapons in a room.
- Even your dog has a bug out bag – which she carries herself.
- You have elected NOT to purchase greater armament, because you plan on upgrading with your future assailant’s weaponry.
- Your EDC includes a knife, firearm w/extra mag, flashlight, mylar blanket, Chapstick, and an ounce of silver — and that’s just for when you’re walking the dog.
- The trunk of your car has enough supplies to carry you through an entire week during a major blizzard.
- One criterion for your new winter coat is that it fits over your body armor.
Can you relate? What are some other signs you might be a “crazy prepper”?