A Guide to Managing Holiday Expectations

By the author of The Flat Broke Cookbook and The Ultimate Guide to Frugal Living

Have your kids hit you with their 3-page Christmas wish list? Has your significant other begun dropping hints? Have the party invitations and family event plans begun to trickle in? Are you already wondering how on earth to deal with managing holiday expectations?

And if so, are you facing the holidays with dread or excitement?

Sometimes I want to punch the composer of “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” right in the throat. The media, Hallmark, advertisers, and Hollywood have set us all up to try and meet outrageous expectations of magic and delight, unless, of course, you don’t mind being thought of as a horrible parent/spouse/friend/co-worker/human.

For the love of all things sprinkled with glitter and topped with a bow, give yourself permission to take it down a notch (or three) this year.

With a long weekend coming up for most people, consider using Thanksgiving with extended family or the off time to discuss expectations for this year’s festivities.

Here’s why you may want to lighten your holiday load a little.

2025 is shaping up to be a holiday season like many Americans have never experienced.

First, there are the overall financial problems sweeping the country. The cost of living just keeps going up. Groceries require a second mortgage. The poverty trap is working overtime as more and more people slip through the cracks of their comfortable middle-class lifestyle into an entirely different situation.  Jobs have been lost, emergency funds have been drained, and prices have skyrocketed. Making ends meet is not like it used to be, even six years ago.

To prevent disappointment, consider managing holiday expectations.

Nobody wants to get up on Christmas morning and see their children’s faces fall when the space underneath the tree is a bit more barren than usual. Nobody wants to see their kids tearing through packages searching for that one special item they really, truly wanted, only to be disappointed when it isn’t there.

We don’t want to let down the people we love by not attending a shindig that will cost us hundreds of dollars in gifts for everyone, nor do we want to look like Scrooges at workplace gift exchanges.

But unless you want to put the whole holiday on plastic and pay it off at 27% interest for the next year (don’t do that), you are going to have to think about managing the holiday expectations of those around you. It’s a lot better to sit down as a family and discuss how you’d like to approach the extravaganza and the gift-giving frenzy when fewer emotions are in play than to just fail to meet expectations.

This is particularly true if you usually go over the top on holidays. The difference, in that case, will be even more dramatic and shocking.

Steps to managing holiday expectations

So how do you go about managing holiday expectations? Here are a few tips.

1. Make sure your family understands the financial situation. It isn’t really fair if you haven’t told your children that financial issues are afoot to expect them to understand when Christmas is dialed back a few notches. Here’s an article on discussing financial problems with kids.
2. Be very clear. Whomever you need to speak with about expectations, make certain that you are clear and succinct. This is no time for vagueness. Say to your kid who wants a new iPad, “I’m sorry, but we simply aren’t spending that kind of money this year.” In fact, for almost 20 years, I’ve told my kids exactly how much I’m spending on them each Christmas so they could make their wish lists accordingly. (This is something I wrote about in my book, Have Yourself a Thrifty Little Christmas.) If you say, “I’m spending $100 on each of you” to your immediate family members and they still ask for thousand-dollar items, refer them back to your conversation and let them know they will absolutely not see that item under the tree.
3. Talk to extended family members about making some adjustments. Depending on your family, this could be a difficult conversation. But I’d rather discuss it with them than avoid getting together. You might say something along the lines of, “Hey, you know that Hubby lost his job this year, so things are tight for our family. Would you guys be interested in drawing names or doing Secret Santas or something this year instead?” Your success depends upon your particular family, but you may discover that other family members are super-relieved that somebody else brought up the elephant in the room.
4. Just say no. There is no rule saying you must attend every party, potluck, workplace gift exchange, and cookie exchange to which you are invited. Maybe dial back on some of that stuff this year and make your holiday not only thriftier but also less hectic.
5. Don’t feel obligated. Just because someone else buys you a gift, it doesn’t mean you need to buy them one. This is especially true if you’ve talked with them before about skipping the gift exchange this year. It’s hard not to feel guilty, but you are under no obligation to reciprocate. If you feel you absolutely must give a gift to every person who buys one for you, consider handmade items, homemade cookies, childcare coupons, or something small.

Remember: YOU ARE NOT SANTA CLAUS.

You do not have a factory full of elf-slaves making the gifts out of materials you magically sourced for free and are delivering to every person in the whole world in one night. Don’t set yourself up to feel like a failure.

Focus on traditions and activities.

It might seem like dialing back Christmas is kind of mean, but providing your kids with a realistic view of the world is far better than any gift they’ll ever find under the tree. When they are making their own money, they’ll understand that they don’t have to figure out how to make each Christmas bigger and better than the last,

When every day is a trip to Disney World, how are you going to be satisfied with climbing a tree and finding animals in the clouds that float overhead?

Here are some suggestions from my Christmas book about how to make the transition to a simpler holiday:

• Focus on activities and traditions instead of gifts
• For younger children, read books like Laura Ingalls Wilder’s Little House in the Big Woods or The Boxcar Children.
• Lower your own expectations. I hate to break it to you, but if you, as the mom or dad, expect a new car with a big red bow in the driveway, or a $500 tool set, or a diamond ring, or…..well, you get the picture. Lead by example.
• Promote a handmade Christmas. One very “broke” year, we made all of our gifts except for one per person. We made our decorations too, from things found in nature and recycled items around the house
• Help someone with less than you have.
• If yours is a religious family, focus on the “reason for the season.” (Hint – that wasn’t a wide-screen TV hovering over the stable!)

If you’re interested in picking up my Kindle book, Have Yourself a Thrifty Little Christmas and a Debt-Free New Year, it’s free to read if you have Kindle Unlimited and the best $5.99 you can spend if you don’t.

You can still make the holidays fun, magical, and joyful as long as you set the right tone from the beginning.

How are you managing holiday expectations this year?

Will this Christmas be different for your family? Are you planning to spend less than usual by necessity or by choice? How are you setting appropriate expectations so that nobody is disappointed? Do you have a money-saving holiday idea or tradition that others might find inspiring?

Share your thoughts about managing holiday expectations in the comments.

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