Personal Preparedness: Dealing with a Bully

More and more, my own preparedness is focused on what is going to help me thrive and survive right now, and by right now, I mean today. The main reason behind this is that I am feeling we are in a slow-moving SHTF ala “frogs in the pot” that is here to stay. 

Rather than saving up for a freeze dryer so that I can preserve eggs for 25 years, I am looking at what I can do today, tomorrow, and, at most, this week, to improve the quality of my life and feel more prepared. Hey, if y’all have the cash for your freeze dryer, more power to ya! According to DuckAI, there are more than a thousand articles on the internet for preppers about freeze-dryers. I’m feeling like that might be enough.

So, in this series, what I am going to share is some more personal aspects of what I consider to be preparedness, and this is going to look different for each of us. Recently, Daisy published her own take on this, “The Importance of Doing the Best YOU Can.” If you haven’t already, I recommend checking it out! 

These days, a couple of experiences got me thinking. The first was an unpleasant experience with a bully at work. The second is that, everywhere I go these days, there are signs demanding that I not be verbally abusive: my doctor’s office, the blood work lab, public services. Even when I’m waiting in line on the phone, there are recorded messages demanding that I not be abusive. What the heck is going on here?, I have been wondering.

And then it clicked: we’re frogs in the pot, and the temperature is rising…tempers are rising. 

Personal insight strikes me as a most valuable prep. Can I see my own strengths and weaknesses clearly? If not, how can I know where to direct my energies in a disintegrating society, where more and more of my energy is going to go to survival? 

When I was dealing with that bully, I identified a weakness of my own: how it trapped me in worry. So, I wrote an article about that and shared it you. You can find it here.

In this article, I’m going to share how I went ahead and developed further skills to deal with bullies. As things get worse in society, I am thinking that being able to advocate for myself and stand up to difficult people will be a valuable skill.

My Insight: Bullies are not Easy for Me

Even after doing some work on how I worry to limit the time I was spending on thinking about the workplace bully, I saw that I could improve further. My main strategy had been to withdraw and not engage, but I could see that this was not getting my own needs met.

I thought about, “What if this was someone in my survival group, getting under my skin? I need more skills to address this, or I could lose big.”

All my life, I have been a peacemaker, the one that people talk to when they are having problems. As a result, I have developed great skills in listening and problem-solving. My skills in confrontation? Not so great….I am a quiet person, and not that quick to respond to things on the spot. This can be an advantage in that I can take a situation in, even when it is chaotic, and think before I jump.

As well, I was raised to avoid confrontation, with my mother telling us girls, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” I think that this kind of assertiveness may be more difficult for women, although you may disagree on that. I thought about my strengths and weaknesses in these situations and decided to get some new ideas about how to confront a bully.

What to Do? Bully Bootcamp

I am probably the last person who would consider turning to social media as a learning tool. However, one day, a reel came up in my feed that caught my eye. It was a Social Psychologist sharing tips on workplace issues. I basically NEVER look at reels, but something made me do it. I found a treasure trove of practical tips. What I really liked is that he doesn’t just complain or share the bad stuff, but always offers a few ideas on how you can respond to different situations, like being disrespected, interrupted, having your idea taken, etc. His name is Ziad Roumy. I was hooked! I think I’ve watched every one of his reels. 

What I found, however, was that these behaviours related to assertive response did not come naturally to me. So, what did I do? I listened to the reels multiple times, I wrote down some responses that really clicked with me. I practiced saying the responses out loud, especially when I was on my way to an encounter where a known bully was going to be present. 

Upping My Game Further

The proof is in the pudding, so they say. What really helped me improve was actually practicing these skills with aggressive people. Yeah, I know some of those! What I saw was that, because I was putting my attention on developing these skills, I was able to respond more effectively in the moment. It was exhilarating! 

An opportunity came up to take a course with Ziad Roumy on identifying difficult personalities in the workplace and how to deal with them. I jumped at the chance, even though I was going to need to pay for it on my limited budget. This has been a game-changer for me! I’m only partway through the course, but have already responded to further bullying in a more effective way. This has given me a sense of confidence I never had before.

In the past, when dealing with bullying behaviour, I would also often get frustrated and focus on what I thought “should” be happening. I would get emotional and express that directly or indirectly in my speech or emails. I learned in the course that many bullies feed on an emotional response from their targets.

First and foremost, Roumy recommends an emotionless, neutral response that does not escalate and does not give the bully what they want. With this as my goal, I have found it far easier to disengage and keep my power. That is just one lesson I have learned in the first section of the course.

Better Prepared to Get the Better of a Bully!

In an increasingly hostile society of frogs cooking in a pot, having strong skills to defend yourself and your assets are going to be more and more crucial.

How would you rate your ability to respond to a bully? Are you a non-confrontational person too? Do you have a story or tip that you can share with us?

Please tell us in the comments section.

About Rowan

Rowan O’Malley is a fourth-generation Irish American who loves all things green: plants (especially shamrocks), trees, herbs, and weeds! She challenges herself daily to live her best life and to be as fit, healthy, and prepared as possible.